It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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