just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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