he wants to bone in the snuggie
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Vodka?
Forever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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