hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
