Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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