Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
