she was so not down for the gang bang
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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