I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
