i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
