its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
