Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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