hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
