Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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