Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
