I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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