Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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