I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
