wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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