i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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