do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't turn off my feet"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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