google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
