Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
