I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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