She is in my trunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
