I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
