So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
