I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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