It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
