Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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