I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am one with the molecules
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
