hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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