During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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