More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
