Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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