Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
