apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
