Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
