they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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