Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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