Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
