Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
