ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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