I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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