Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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