My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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