I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
