At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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