I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
