Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
