So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
